Nonstick frying pans can make your penis smaller, study says

A new study found that a chemical commonly found on nonstick pans and fast-food wrappers may have a significant impact on endowment — and can result in smaller schlongs.

The research, which took place in Italy, found that those who had been exposed to perfluoroalkyl compounds, also referred to as PFCs, had significantly smaller eggplants than those who hadn’t, as well as lower semen quality.

PFCs are chemicals commonly used as water and oil repellents in cookware and textiles. According to the study, published in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism, adult males are more likely to accumulate the chemical in their body for an unknown reason, meaning the chemical could have a larger effect on them than another population.

Researchers examined 383 male high-school students, including 212 who had been exposed to PFCs, in northeast Italy, through June 2017 and May. They took participant’s blood to measure sexual hormones, examined semen samples, and yes, took several measurements on their growers, including length, circumference, testicular volume and anogenital distance (otherwise known as, ahem, the Ken Doll region).

And boy, do these chemicals have an effect on boys. Participants who weren’t exposed to PFCs had tallboys with an average length of 3.94 inches, compared to an average of 3.44 inches in those who had. Exposed men were also one-fifth of an inch less girthy.

Study authors call this a “substantial impact on human male health” — one which could even lead to issues with male fertility.

Wondering how you measure up? Please do not use your iPhone to find out.

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